Lessons in Trust.

October 18, 2009

Steven left for a business trip in New Orleans about four hours ago, which leaves me here home alone for the next 5 days. I’m a bit scared & just sad at the thought of being alone for so long, but I’ll try to make the best of it. I think the hardest thing about being apart is not being able to go to bed together. Already in four months, I have gotten so used to having him beside me when I sleep–the thought of having to go to bed by myself in our dark & empty apartment makes me really sad. I wonder if other wives feel the same? We’ve also developed somewhat of a nighttime routine: washing up, reading a couple psalms, praying together, then a little bit of pillowtalk. (Depending on how tired we are haha. Steven never fails to remind me about the time I drifted off while he was “pouring out his heart to me” haha.)

This became our little routine shortly after our miscarriage. For a few weeks following our loss, I experienced a number of anxiety symptoms & bad dreams. Our future brother-in-law, who is a doctor & biblical counselor (talk about a timely entrance into our family, huh?), advised me to meditate on the psalms during these times & to have Steven read them to me before we went to bed. It was kind of amazing how quickly my bad dreams went away as we sought comfort in His Word & came before Him in prayer each night. My symptoms & bad dreams have pretty much ceased, but I’m so thankful that our nightly routine hasn’t changed. One psalm that we keep coming back to is Psalm 16. This psalm struck my heart & brought me so much joy in a time of sorrow & distress–I can’t seem to move on from it.

Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge.
I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord;
I have no good apart from you.”
As for the saints in the land, they are the excellent ones,
in whom is all my delight.
The sorrows of those who run after another god shall multiply;
their drink offerings of blood I will not pour out
or take their names on my lips.
The LORD is my chosen portion and my cup;
you hold my lot.
The lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.
I bless the LORD who gives me counsel;
in the night also my heart instructs me.
I have set the LORD always before me;
because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken.
Therefore my heart is glad, and my whole being rejoices;
my flesh also dwells secure.
For you will not abandon my soul to Sheol,
or let your holy one see corruption.
You make known to me the path of life;
in your presence there is fullness of joy;
at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

He watches over us & works for us. Even in situations like these, the lines have fallen for me in pleasant places. My life is still full–overflowing even–with blessings. There are times when my flesh gets the best of me–I feel I can’t drown out my thoughts of self-pity & despair. But even then He is faithful to replace my sorrow with joy and my thoughts of self with thoughts of Christ. I believe it now much more than I did when I was very young in my faith… in those days, I felt like I could blink and drift away from Him in an instant. And who would save me and bring me back to Him? But now, even in my darkest moments, I feel a certain confidence that I could never wander so far that I am beyond the reach of God–it is He who will save me and bring me back to Himself. Surely all pain and suffering is good and worthwhile if deemed by our loving Father… If He is producing in me a purer faith & devotion to Christ, what more could I ask?

Been reading through another of Elizabeth Prentiss’ books: The Little Preacher. Read a part today that encouraged my heart so. It was a conversation between a young wife & mom named Doris, whose husband is very ill and on the verge of death, and her wise & godly mother, who had learned to love the Lord better through the loss of most of her children & husband:

“But, mother, while God was doing such dreadful things to you, did you keep on loving Him?”
“Keep on! Why, don’t you see, my Doris, that they made me love Him more than ever? For these were the answers to my prayers.”
“Yes, I see. But He does not take such dreadful ways to answer everybody’s prayers.”
“He takes the very best way, my Doris.”

What a beautiful thing to have that kind of peace and trust in the Lord as a result of having been stripped of earthly idols. It gives me hope and comfort that no suffering is in vain, but that it is a means to producing an invaluable faith that cannot be stripped away. What a great & loving God we serve!

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Waiting for Mason.

October 12, 2009

I’ve been meaning to post pictures from SB & all the other haps from the past couple months, but they will have to wait. Ashley is about ready to pop, and Mason will be here before the end of the week! I want to get these photos up before I have even more to post on the Lee family’s newest addition. :]

Last weekend we got to throw a mini-baby shower for Danny & Ashley at our place (the perks of being married & having a place to host!). I thought it’d be fun to do a co-ed shower, since we’re all friends, and Danny probably wants to be a part of all the baby celebrations too haha. So we threw up a few decorations, made a simple lunch of paninis & tomato soup, talk talk talked, snacked away on Trader Joe faves, played a few rounds of Sequence, and topped it off with dinner at a ramen house in Fountain Valley. Twas fun. :]

IMG_6724

Waiting for friends.

Blue Poms

Blue poms.

Mason. (thanks for letting me borrow the clothes, shar!)

Mason. (thanks for letting me borrow the clothes, shar!)

Red & Blue Bunting

Red & blue bunting.

Pretty yellow ranunculus.

Pretty yellow ranunculus.

Paninis ready to press!

Paninis ready to press!

Place setting.

Place setting.

Black bottom cupcakes. Recipe from smitten kitchen.

Black bottom cupcakes. Recipe from smitten kitchen.

I heart TJ packaging (and food).

I heart TJ packaging (and food).

Group gift.

Group gift.

Ashley.

Ashley.

In front of Ebisu ramen house.

In front of Ebisu ramen house.

Then on Sunday, we got to do a kind of maternity shoot for Danny & Ash. Nowhere near professional. Just for funsies, since they haven’t really taken that many prego pics hehe. :] We went to a local park that has a cute little duck pond. Then back to their apartment to shoot the nursery. Then scored free Chipotle for dinner (yay!). Here are a few of my faves…

Daddy & Mommy Lee.

Daddy & Mommy Lee.

Look at that belly.

Look at that belly.

Pretty light.

Pretty light.

Getting our money's worth out of those ranunculus.

Getting our money's worth out of those ranunculus.

I heart these wood panels.

I heart these wood panels.

How cute are these beach balls & monster that Ashley made for Mason?

How cute are these beach balls & monster that Ashley made for Mason?

Mason's nursery.

Mason's nursery.

The end. Mason will be here by Saturday at the very latest, so I will be sure to update with pictures of him soon! Please pray for the Lees this week–I know they would appreciate it! :]

Catalog Card.

October 1, 2009

Couldn’t resist posting this. How awesome is this????

todolist

Made it myself on here. Found it via simplesong, whose blog I have been reading non-stop since I found it about a week ago. I’m slowly scrolling back all the way to the beginning–now on page 74… I know I sound crazy, but she really inspires me. Started her blog about two years ago, designs stationery & invitations, took letterpress classes, bought a letterpress, started her own etsy shop, and now pretty much does full-time design from the studio she created in her garage. She has a little toddler at home & is able to care for him & still use the gifts that God gave her to help with the income. And now she’s thinking about taking calligraphy classes…

I am such a pansy. I always see people who pursue these kinds of careers from the bottom up & am so inspired by them. And I know that if I try hard & practice, I can do something like that too. But there is so much fear of failure that I have a hard time just putting myself out there. (Not to mention, laziness.) Steve helps me in this way by gently encouraging me to just try things out, learn things on my own… he really believes in me. The Lord knew that I needed an encouraging man in my life, because I’m already pessimistic enough on my own hehe.

This post doesn’t mean anything. I’m not saying I’m going to quit my job & start pursuing graphic design. Or photography. Or interior decorating. Or calligraphy. Just some things I’m thinking through… What do you think–should I try something out?

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