Lessons in Being a Wife.

August 11, 2009

The past two months have gone by in a blur. And thankfully, I have had a minimal amount of emotional breakdowns (good for Steven especially haha). I thought transitioning to Orange County would be a toughie. Not that it’s easy necessarily, but it has been surprisingly more smooth than I expected. I had a lot of anxieties about starting over… What will I do by myself without any of my friends? How will it feel attending a church where I don’t know anyone and no one knows me? Will it be harder to build relationships now that I’m married? Will all of my friends be old married people? And not only that, but also: What will it be like to live with Steven? What if we get tired of being around each other 24/7? What will it feel like to have to share my bed with someone else? Are we going to be one of those couples that fight a lot their first year? :[

The Lord has been gracious to me, to us. Cornerstone has been a blessing. Care group, though we’ve only met once, has been a huge blessing. We happen to be in Gary & Cindy’s cg (Pastor John’s brother & his wife), and Cindy–in some ways–reminds me of Ange. She started out our first cg by saying that this was a place where we could be open and vulnerable with one another, a safe place of mutual accountability and encouragement. It reminded me so much of how Ange started off our first small group meeting just about a year ago. It means the world to me, particularly during this unique period I find myself in. Some of Steven’s old buddies from when he used to go to Cornerstone have been  really nice about inviting us out to events, which are always a tad bit intimidating to go to, but always turn out to be great. And actually, a lot of new people have been really friendly and been reaching out to us individually and as a couple–we appreciate it so much.

Marriage has been exciting, but still, well, really normal. It’s surprising how normal it feels to live with and be married to this man that I like so much. Thank the good Lord, we are not one of those couples that fight their way through their first year of marriage. Perhaps He knew it would be too much for me, being in this new setting. I might have unraveled into a pile of string on the floor. Thank the good Lord, we are not sick of being with each other 24/7 (at least I hope it’s a mutual feeling hahaha). We literally spend almost 24 hours a day together, every day of the week. Aside from the two days I drive down to San Diego (8am-5pm), and now every Wednesday night when we alternate turns going to cg, and a few errands here and there, we are at home. Together. Always.

Which brings me to some things I’ve been thinking about recently. You see, we are actually not going to be together 24/7 starting in a few weeks. He enrolled for some night classes at OCC. Which gives me a lot of nights home alone during the week. Some days I may only see him for less than an hour after I get home from SD, just enough time to feed him dinner and send him out the door. I guess these are the not-so-glamorous things about married life. I don’t have other roommates I can turn to when I get bored or lonely or just want someone to talk to dangit. I don’t even have other friends I can call up for coffee (well, no coffee for me, but you know what I mean) or tea or just to shoot the breeze with. But what’s the big deal? Why do I feel so anxious about this change? Will I really die of loneliness? Is there really nothing I can do to fill that time? Do I really want him to give up taking classes so he can sit at home with me on the couch and just, you know, be there with me?

Already my selfishness has become so apparent in our marriage. I am such a needy person. He says that’s just cause I’m a girl (he always lets me off easy), but no, I know that I am an exceptionally needy girl. Over these past two months, I have already grown so dependent on him and just his being there for me for everything–everything from killing spiders, doing the dishes when I’m tired, listening to me when I have a funny story, to turning on the fan for me in the middle of the night when I start burning up or watching a movie with me when I’m bored. I have grown to expect it, see it as my right in marriage. But what did I commit to only two months ago? Was it not to be his helper? Is he my helper, or am I his? And what does it mean to help him? To free him up so he can fulfill his role in working and providing for the family, to not be a hindrance to him but allow him to pursue what he desires, to encourage him and support him in his decisions. And to do all of it with joy.

Sonya Smith exhorted the women on Sunday during second hour to practice dying to self. Now there’s something I needed to hear… Indeed, my life in Orange County has not been so difficult, but it’s because I used Steven as my rock to lean on–for everything! Thank goodness he is strong and has been able to support my weight thus far. But in actuality, he is not a rock, and he couldn’t be even if he tried his best. Only Christ can be my sufficiency in times of hardship and loneliness. And as I depend on Him and look to Him for comfort and hope, He alone can grant me the grace to look outside of my own little life and consider how I might be a blessing to others instead, especially to my most precious and dearest husband.

I love you!

I love you!


2 Responses to “Lessons in Being a Wife.”

  1. stevenhong Says:

    I’m definitely no rock. Praise God who provides all things in His abundant grace.

    I love you too.

  2. aimee.ame.amos.amy Says:

    jinyoung ah-
    Super blessed and encouraged as always. Hope you, the husband, and the little one are doing well and gun-gang-hae. The glory be to God :)
    <3 me.

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